2023 Recap

   

 I started Therapy in October of 2023. I talked so much about post-divorce trauma. I talked about my cousin's death that rocked my family, and we are all still coping with the loss. I talked about how Unhappy I was with how my life was going. I talked and talked and talked about how much my job was causing me to hate getting up every morning. 

  January 2023, I was so excited for 2023 because I knew in my heart it was going to be a good year for me and my mental health. Unfortunately, it was extremely short lived as my cousin tragically had his life taken 3 days in at 22 years old. My family tried to make sense of the loss and to this day we still can't make sense of it. We talk about him all the time and how much we know Alex would be the 1st person to take the shirt off his back to help someone in need. We Celebrated our last Christmas with him 8 days prior with no clue it would be the last one. He and I stood in the kitchen talking and joking. I remember him saying I'm glad you put yourself and your kids first over saving your marriage. He was so glad I finally walked away from it all as everyone could tell I was no longer happy. It just took me a little longer to realize how unhappy I was. I remember making jokes about how messed up drugs make people. and just talking about how happy he was with his girlfriend and her daughter and how they were the best thing that happened to him. 

   February 2023, we had my cousins Celebration of life and celebrated his 23rd birthday. Getting the entire family plus all his friends together to just talk about all of the hilarious things he did in his life.

   April 2023 my divorce was finalized, and I just remember the feeling of freedom to do whatever I wanted to do in life. I had been asking for a divorce since September of 2022 and he always promised he was going to do right by the kids and I. Things would be great for a few days then go right back to the abusive behaviors. I fought for him for 8 years I fought for his attention and appreciation. Finally, I realized it was never going to work out and had to walk away. 

   After the divorce things I thought were going great. I felt free, I felt powerful, I also felt like I blew up my entire life. I felt vulnerable and tired. I knew it was not going to be easy taking 3 kids on by myself. 

   October 2023, I took a month off work to Start Therapy and deal with my mental health as I had to work through all the heartache, I had from losing the last 13 years of my life. I know that was the best first step I took to start healing. In that time, I realized I needed to leave the Credit union as the stuff I was going through in my personal life was ruining love for my job. I felt like I had no support from the company. But I didn't leave for a few months after that. My therapist tried to get me to understand none of it was my fault. I quit therapy after 8 weeks because I just felt like I couldn't discuss a bigger issue I was having and still to this day don't really talk about it anyone. Therapy helped me do things I finally wanted to do I got a new piercing and a tattoo while I was on leave. 

   I went back to work end of November 2023 things started to feel normal again. I was finally able to focus again and work through some of my trauma. Only to get a text in December that my stepbrother in Texas was placed on life support, and they were looking at removing him after Christmas to have one final holiday with him whether it be in the hospital or not. I was broken because I didn't want my year to end exactly how it started with death. Unfortunately, that is how my year ended. December 20th, 2023, my brother Jeff passed away and I got the text on my way to work. I was mad at the world because I had been through so much crap that year already. I told my boss and got no sympathy or care as I was breaking all over again. I remember just crying in my car and punching my steering wheel. Ripping out my new piercing because the anger I had was unreal. 

  I only told my immediate family and close friends in Wisconsin. I packed up my kids and on December 26th I worked all day and napped from 5pm to 11pm. By 11:30 pm I put my kids in the car and started the 23-hour drive to Texas to be with my Family. The kids did AMAZING for never being in a car for more than 2 hours. They never fought once we played games, we sang, they were dancing in the back seat and over all had a blast. We arrived at my dad and stepmoms around 10:30 pm on the 27th. I placed my boys to bed and talked to my dad for a little bit as he had to work the next morning. I had not seen my dad since August of 2017 at this point. My dad and stepmom where the only two in my family that met my oldest Ryker at that point. So, Renly and Rhori finally got to meet my family in Texas and all the kids got to go to Texas for the 1st time in their lives. They absolutely loved it there and want to go back all the time. Rhori bonded with my dad and Kim immediately which shocked me beyond belief. As she is the shy one usually. 

   Overall, it was an amazing visit under heartbreaking circumstances. I never shared anything about being in Texas until after I left to head home in January 2024. We stayed there for 2 weeks, and I remember just being so free at that point and i was laughing and loving every second of my life in that time. 

Alexander Watters

January 3, 2023

Jeffery Hoover

December 20, 2023