Loving an Addict

  Who said marriage was easy? Or marriage is just a piece  of paper. Marriage is not a walk in the park. If it was just a piece of paper it would be easy to just end it.

  Marriage is hard work. Marriage means a commitment. Marriage means forgiveness. Especially when things get so bad that you spend most nights alone with your kids crying yourself to sleep becaue you feel so useless and unloved. The person that supposedly loved you just doesn’t care anymore and hasn’t for a long time. 

  Drugs are huge problem in today’s society. People continue to choose drugs and alcohol I’ve their spouse and kids. As a spouse of an addict I can say that watching my husband battle addiction is not easy for me or my kids. Especially my kids watching their dad continue to pick drugs over them! His drug of choice meth. Watching him continue to pick drugs over us was and will always be the HARDEST thing I have ever been through.  

  My husband may think that he was a piece of cake but I can guarantee he wasn’t. He missed our oldest 2nd birthday party leaving us without balloons for his party. He tried to convince me I wasn’t in labor with our youngest and told me it was in my head. Thankfully I didn’t listen or he would have been born at home. 

  The lying, cheating and stealing! The worst was the cheating because that shit is something that destroys every ounce of trust you have for anyone. I filed for divorce in November 2018. We had six months to fix it or just walk away. 

  So we started spending weekends together with the boys on my terms. I moved out and in with my mom with the boys. Nope we didn’t spend every weekend together. It was more like every other weekend. I didn’t allow him to keep the boys without me because the trust was gone. Weekends we didn’t spend together he spent high. 

  Our 1st court appearance for divorce was in April 2019. At that time we had actually been riding our marriage more than I ever expected. Or so I thought at the time. We told them we wanted to work through it. Not only for ourselves but for our boys. They deserve to have us make sure we are making the right call. I moved back in shortly after that. 

  Things seemed fine for awhile. There is a lot of animosity between Cody and I! I am the type of peeps who wants to see the best in people. He is kinda selfish and is obsessed with conspiracy theories. 

  At this point we have moved into our own place. I work full time for a Credit Union. He stays home with our kids. Our marriage isn’t perfect and their is a lot of things that most people who be upset that I deal with.  Except a lot of people don’t realize the man I married is not the addict he has become. He used to be the sweetest most supportive man I ever met. With addiction he has become hard to love, distanced and lazy. 

  People will always judge the addict and the spouse of an addict until they are put in the shoes of one of them. Being the wife of an addict isn’t easy and everyday I just want to give up and throw my marriage away. 

Why? 

  Well becaue like I said in the beginning marriage is not a walk in the park. You need to work for it. And if it turns out it doesn’t work then you can walk away. I’m not ready to just give it up quite yet.